6:30am in England/coffee store employee.

The time is irrelevent here but just for the record, it's 10:30pm here in Vancouver and 6:30am in England. I find my mind wandering the early morning streets of my former home and picturing the morning commuters, the early morning staff that have been in their posts for an hour or two already as I pass by. My coat buttoned up to my nose in the February chill, the smell of winter fills my lungs along with the passing fumes of a noisy delivery lorry.

I don't miss much about my former home but I do miss understanding why and how and who. Here I am out of my depth and out of your reach. I'm left guessing and although the sights and sounds of this picture postcard city are accepted gratefully, I always hated secrets and mystery. I want to know everything but don't want to wait.

I am listening to Radio 1, 'Rob Da Bank' is playing Massive Attack session recordings and other dub and electronica. Radio here is very different, very uninventive, very commercial.

I understand that it's important to be patient but having landed my two feet firmly into yet another position that requires my full attention, I am already looking for the exits. I can't understand why people take coffee so seriously, or anything other than things that actually make a difference.

Coffee and cakes and tables and customers.

I am too old for this. I don't like to feel someone else's pressure, it's their bottom line not mine. I've worked in too many jobs to feel like part of the 'Delany's Family' (thoroughly nice family though). I know that if the accountants decided that cuts needed to be made, I'd be thrown out of the nest faster that the time it takes to heat a jug of milk up to 150 degrees. With this in mind, I can't help but be cook my positive thoughts in negative oils.

I'm now allowing myself to think of the big picture. I need to work to pay the rent to enable my wee family to be cozy at night. It's not honourable, just practical. I'm less inclined to stay for very long in situations that are grim these days, I'm pretty bouyed by the fact I can focus on a new direction at some point soon. $12 an hour positions do little for the greater good. They provide us with sushi and petrol and that's about all right now... I think that's all we need really for now.

So... which career is the one for me? Do I aim for the paramedic route on which is the road I currently stand (albeit behind a wall) or do I truly aim for a happy life being creative and vastly underfunded?? If so... which tools do I pick up??